Monday, March 7, 2011

Life 101 With Professor Margaret Mitchell

Every once in a while I run across someone who says "I've never seen Gone With the Wind." They say this without shame. How did you reach adulthood with this gargantuan gap in your cultural education? Where were your parents? Were you raised by wolves? (Bless your heart) Often it is a man who is saying this and before he can finish his sentence I am thinking he doesn't know anything about women. (Okay, he doesn't know anything about Southern women. I can't really speak for our sisters to the north) Whatever else it is GWTW is a primer for men on a number of important issues and there is much to be learned. Let's start with girliness 101 and then we'll move on to feminine psychology tomorrow.  Fetch a glass of sweet tea (or bourbon) and we'll just catch you right up.

What men should know: (here's the deal, y'all)

First, this is one of those movies like Pride and Prejudice, that is going to instantly impress women if you say you've seen it. If you can come up with a quote or discuss a favorite scene (sorry, the ending doesn't count) she'll be amazed and you'll score some big points.

There isn't a woman in the world who doesn't want to be Scarlett surrounded at the barbecue by a dozen smitten suitors. (Sorry, it's built in; we can't help it.) You didn't really believe the feminists, did you?

We never really outgrow the little girl desire for giant fancy, princessy dresses that we can twirl in. 

Sometimes we are desperate to be rescued by a man, but when it comes down to it we can do whatever needs to be done. (We are not always aware of it...very much like our heroine.) This sometimes surprises us.

We know that men like their women with a little "sass" even if they act like they don't.

Sometimes we just want to slap somebody. 

We need to be "kissed often, and by someone who knows how."

We like "dashing" men. We've never seen this in any modern man but we are sure that we would like it if we did. 

We are much more concerned with what other women think of us than the opinion of men.

We all  love Rhett because he breaks the rules and encourages Scarlet to be scandalous. 

We all  love Rhett because he respects Melanie's goodness and always treats her like a lady (I never said we were going to be rational). 

We like men who believe in something. 

We often feel like if we could just get home, everything would be alright.

We SO want chivalry not to be dead. 

 And finally, we are all thoroughly confused as to what Scarlett sees in Ashley Wilkes once Rhett Butler arrives on the scene.  Leslie Howard over Clark Gable??? We just don't get it.

                                 And a Few Lessons For the Girls:

It might be a good idea to know how to deliver a baby.

Don't drink alone in the afternoon. "People always find out and it ruins the reputation."

Perfume makes dreadful mouthwash. 

Always make sure you are alone with your object of desire before pledging your undying love and making a complete fool of yourself. 

It's probably best not to throw vases and whatnot in other people's homes. 

Don't live in the past. 

It isn't nice to steal your sister's fiance. 

Sometimes in life, you have to do whatever it takes.

Break some rules.

Don't beat the horse until it's dead.

When the enemy invades it is useless to lock the front door.

Do your own packing.

You are tougher than you think. 

and of course...
       Tomorrow IS another day

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