Thursday, April 7, 2011

Documentation for My Daughter's Tell All Book

While I was spending 10 days 24/7 with my daughter recently I knew it was only a matter of time until she brought up her tragic childhood to our travel companions.

She made it to the second day and then just as I predicted she launched into her 3 favorite stories:

1.My mother locked me out of the house when I was 3.

Okay, that one is true but, I mean, have you HAD a three year old?

Have you SEEN one?

I knew you'd understand.

It was for 5 minutes in a fenced in backyard. It was a literal time OUT.

And it was better than the alternative.

2. My mother ruined my life because I didn't get to go to kindergarten.

Wow. I'm sorry I kept you home reading the classics out loud and taking you to museums and that you missed nap time on the floor and no one wiped boogers on you.

How can you ever forgive me? 

3. I didn't get to have a Barbie.

Oh the trauma!

How dare I deprive you of a hand held unattainable standard of beauty...in hopes that you might arrive at adulthood with some shred of a healthy self image. (A rare thing for females in case you haven't noticed.)


We had our share of hormone induced, female meltdowns over the years, something that doesn't happen in a mother/son relationship.


Usually, when we both calmed down and all was forgiven, we ate chocolate.

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy. 

Boys are easier to raise but they cannot be tamed with Godiva. Later on they may be tamed by a diva, but that's a different set of problems.

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