Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Killing Spiders and Insulting Boyfriends: The Housewife Arrives

I'm currently sitting in the home of my dear friend ( accidentally typed fiend just then, but it isn't true) and fellow blogger, The Food Maven, ready to enjoy the second full day of my week long visit with her. I'm in my pajamas. It is almost noon. I am very happy.  Here's what we've done so far: Annoy her husband by laughing loudly and often (He's working extra hours this week, we don't know why). Annoyed her children by making snarky comments about them and reliving some of their more entertaining childhood moments. Cooked (okay, she cooks I ask questions and wash dishes), had chocolate martinis, had lunch with a blogging friend of hers who tried to explain code to us. (I mean CODE people, really?) We look smarter than we are. I hope. No wait, it should be the other way around...I think.

Last year when I was here the older daughter was dating a boy named Austin. Since I have arrived this time I've met the younger daughter's current boyfriend. The other night after dinner we were in the kitchen and I saw a very big spider crawling across the floor.

I screamed "SPIDER!" because that's what I do at my house and then call for a male member of my household to come and kill it. Yes, I could kill it myself but if I'm going to do that what is the point of being married?

I then saw that younger daughter's boyfriend was on his way out the door and not being able to recall his name but knowing NOT to call him Austin, I did what any genteel Southern woman would do...

I screamed "Hey you! Man, boy person, come BACK there's a spider!" from my perch atop the bar stool where I was now crouched, lest this be one of those arachnids with the power to jump 7 feet and attack at will.

My friend looks at me and says "Oh for crying out loud." and promptly and calmly stepped on it. The crunch under her foot didn't even bother her.

Oh. Well, yes that is another way to handle it.

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