Sunday, February 12, 2012

Your Valentine's Day Survival Guide


Personally, I've always thought a flying fat baby with a weapon is a little scary. 

Once I was driving with my son and saw a big Valentine's Day wreath on a door.

"I don't really like hearts as a motif."

"That's because you don't have one, Mom."

Well, I wouldn't go that far...

I'll admit that this is my least favorite holiday, right behind Mother's Day. I'm not a big fan of any day when we are supposed to drum up some specific emotion on demand. It can also be kind of hard on our single friends.

If you happen to be single, aren't you just a little happy? You don't have to worry about finding the appropriate gift, or whether she likes Indian food, or what he wants to do. (I mean, we all know what he wants to do.)  A relationship isn't going to solve all your problems and complete you. I don't care what Jerry Magure said. I've been married a long time and one thing I've learned is that even in a relationship, sometimes you have to hold your own hand.


So how about showing yourself a little love today?

Play your favorite music as loud as you can without bothering the neighbors. When you are in a relationship, you are going to hear "I can't believe you like that!" and "Can you turn that down?"

Dance. Either at home by yourself or out with your friends.  Music and physical activity release endorphins that make you feel happier.

Spend time with friends. You don't have to impress them. Champagne taste just as good with the girls and guys can hang out watching sports which NONE of their friends in relationships are going to be doing on V-Day! They are probably going to be at some over priced, over crowded restaurant, wishing they were out with you. You won't have to explain who Jeremy Lin is over dinner to someone who is mad that you are talking about sports instead of her. Soak it up. You can brag about it to your married friends tomorrow...

Get a massage. Craving a little skin on skin? Relax and renew...no performance anxiety, guys. No wondering if you look fat, girls. Plus, it gets to be all about YOU. (C'mon, who doesn't like that?)

Try something new. This is a great day to take a cooking class, try yoga, or climb the rock wall at your local gym.

Volunteer somewhere. Get over yourselves, girls. You are not homeless, cold, or hungry. You are just single. No whining.

Call a friend you know is in a bad relationship and cheer them up. (You can secretly be glad that's not you.)

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:

 Girls:
  • Watch Pride and Prejudice, Sleepless in Seattle, or Notting Hill.
  • Sit down in front of the television with anything that comes in a carton.
  • Call, text, or otherwise contact anyone from a past relationship. (If you are out drinking with friends, give them your cell phone.)
Guys:
  • Sit down in front of the television with a bag or a six pack of anything.
  • Facebook stalk your ex to see the latest pictures of her and find out if she's out tonight.
  • Drunk text your ex after you finish that six pack you aren't supposed to be drinking.
Now run along and do exactly what The Housewife has told you. You'll probably have a better Valentine's Day than your non-single friends. 

Oh, and guys, if I find out any of you in a relationship gave your significant other that stupid 4 foot teddy bear I keep seeing advertised...I will personally hunt you down and do an intervention.

 It's Valentine's Day, but for crying out loud, have a little self respect...

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