Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Confessions of a Non-Conformist First Grader

I was a first grade rebel. Yeah, that's right you heard me. Let me explain.

The tabs in my newly redesigned blog are pink and yellow. I loved pink and yellow together in the first grade.  While coloring a picture of flowers I colored the stems pink and the flowers yellow. The directions said "Color the flowers red and the stems green."

Now I knew what that meant, and what I was supposed to do.

As I sat there I thought " Now I COULD do that but am I going to be influenced by the stifling conformity of a state run institution or am I going to take a stand for artistic freedom?" I passionately picked up my crayons and struck a blow for creativity.

Okay, actually I thought "Red and green are ugly, blech!"

The teacher (whose five-o'clock shadow was worse than Fred Flintstone's and must have had a terrible childhood) walked around the room holding up everyone else's workbooks showing me how they had all done it correctly. I couldn't help notice they were all the SAME. Luckily crayon cannot be erased so even though she gave me a zero I had the satisfaction of making something that made me happy somehow.

Some time later in the year at lunch they served tuna salad.
I didn't eat mine and the teacher (a slave to conformity apparently) pointed out to me that ALL the other children were eating theirs. She said she wasn't moving until I ate it.  I did. As she stood over me with a smug look of victory on her face I turned around and threw up on her shoes.

Freedom: 2   Coercion: 0

She didn't seem to like me much after that (some people can be so sensitive about a little vomit).

I eventually managed to escape from Helga's class by scaling the wall and carefully working my way around razor wire while the dog's nipped at my heels and the guards in the tower shined the spotlight on me.

Fine. The school year ended and I was promoted to the second grade.

This blog is so much cheaper than therapy.

Chat amongst yourselves, I have to look for my crayons.

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